A couple of years back, a father called me in distress and informed me that his son is not talking and has distanced himself from all family members and is not ready to talk on any terms. After detailed discussions with father I gathered following:

1. Son was always good in academics, and he chose engineering as his career.
2. He completed his engineering in India and then went abroad for his master’s degree.
3. After completing his master’s, he got a decent job abroad and settled there.
4. During his college days he had suffered a relationship breakdown.
5. He was then married to a girl from India and the relationship with his wife did not go through well and the divorce proceedings are going on.
6. Post marriage trauma and divorce petition, the son went back abroad to continue his work there.
7. Now the family is not aware what further has gone wrong with him which has forced the son to stop speaking to anyone. Also, when he is pushed, he replies with anger.

I told father to make his son speak to me. I assured him that his son will be treated with utmost love and respect and 100% confidentiality will be maintained. With great reluctance the son got ready to talk to me. I thank God for blessing me with a chance to understand and help this young boy.

I have always carried blessing of God in healing people. When the son first spoke to me, things started falling in place and he became very comfortable with me and started pouring his heart out. The summary of discussions and life of boy:

1. His childhood had been fully controlled by father and this led to Son not being able to take his own decisions and his mindset became dependent mindset and without father’s approval he won’t dare to do even those things which are good for him and his future.
2. His mother had no voice at home and always was more on survival mode. This is what he saw all through his growth period.
3. His love failure during college was due to father not approving it and strongly taking stand.
4. Most importantly his father forced him to marry and against his wish. Due to his submissive mindset he could not express his views and got forcibly married.
5. The marriage did not survive due to sour relationship between his wife and parents. He felt heartbroken and helpless.
6. To add to the problems, he also lost his job due to personal issues impacting job performance.

The boy was in too much of emotional breakdown and was constantly blaming self for his current state of affairs. He had started smoking and drinking a lot. He was progressing towards clinical depression and suicidal thoughts were popping up now and then in his mind.

After taking him through complete transformational journey of healing, which was a very elaborate process which took 6 months, the boy came back to his normal self. I had to pull parents also in the process and I took many sessions of parents to change their mindset about their grown-up son and to come out of controlling nature.

Finally, I decided to take the son through capacity building process and with a new outlook towards life he started dealing with life with a smile and I am so happy to tell that he is now well settled in his life and is ready to start his new family life. I feel blessed.

As the children grow the attitude of parents must change so that parents don’t stunt the growth of children and empower them to deal with their life on their own terms. Parents should become only guides and not controllers.

With ever changing time, I personally feel that parents also need counselling sessions to change the way they see life. Unfortunately, in majority of cases till a disaster strikes in, parents don’t wake up to the stark realities and seek help.

Capacity building of children and counselling of parents are a must with the changing social system and ever-increasing challenges and stressors.